"You're Not Alone"

Madison always had a strong faith in God, stronger than even I realized, until I found her writings. She always walked to the beat of a different drummer. We never pushed her or any of our kids to conform and she took that philosophy to heart. Her favorite shirt had skull & cross bones wearing pink bows. She was sarcastic and very dry in her sense of humor and wit. Not many people knew of her strong faith but her generosity and love was evident. She always prayed for God to relieve her pain. I did too; I just wish He had let her stay with me. My poor baby suffered too long. When I read her poems I know there is only one place she can be right now, in heaven and feeling no pain.

You’re not Alone

When things don’t go your way again and again, and you feel like every time you pray your just wasting time and air. You want to scream and you want to cry. You want to find a place to go and hide away ‘cause you feel like nothing’s going your way; and you feel like you have no place safe to stay.

You always feel lonely in a crowded room. You feel as if your life is flying past you. You want to go back but you know you can’t. You’re struggling just looking for a helping hand. You feel as if all hope is gone, like there is no way to keep going strong.

But you know, you’re not alone. There’s always someone to protect you, a little angel sent to help you. It just goes to show you’re never truly alone. Angels hear you crying from above, they want to hold you and wrap you in God’s endless love.

You’ve always got a friend. Someone to help you pick up again, ‘cause God wants you to know you’re never alone. No you’re never alone, you’re never truly alone, never alone.

"This is My Life"

Two days after Madison passed away, I found some of the poems and songs that she had written over the years. They are beautiful, haunting, prophetic and sad. It was obvious that she mostly wrote when she was sad which makes me glad that I only found about 25 not 250. I wanted to share her beautiful poems with everyone who loved her, so I had my mission. I decided just days after finding the first few poems that I would find them all and create a book called Madison’s Gift. The process of reading these poems was at times gut wrenching, but I typed them all out and have started the process of getting them published. I’d like to share some of her poems here. I’ll be posting them one at a time. I hope you like them.

This is my Life

My life can be unbearable and in no way am I normal. I’m just a girl living in a cruel vindictive world. It hurts to be so strong; sometimes my pain feels like I won’t survive. It feels wrong to be so young with so much strife, but that, that is my life.

No one knows the pain inside, I feel like no one cares, and more than anything I hate when people stare. They look at me with sorrow, there’s pity in their eyes, and what I want to say to them I cover with a smile. It hurts to be so strong; sometimes my pain feels like I won’t survive. It feels wrong to be so young with so much strife, but that, that is my life.

Pain will never leave us, not until we die. With out pain there would be no love or life. Don’t ever let it consume you. Don’t let your pain rule you. Yes it’s hard to be so strong sometimes, but don’t let it keep you from living your life! Yes I know it’s wrong and I know it’s unfair and I know it’s a huge burden to bear.

I know this is true, trust me I know it’s not fair. Just don’t let it rule you, don’t you ever let it consume you, ‘cause this is not my life. No this won’t be my life.

Her bicycle

Madison was born with Marfan syndrome, a connective tissue disorder. www.marfan.org Mark new it from the beginning. I didn’t want to believe it until a doctor could confirm it, but deep down I knew it was true. That confirmation came just days before her 1st Christmas, she was only 8 months old. And so it began, regular visits to the cardiologist, orthopedic, pulmonologist, opthamologist, and at odd time other specialists to answer questions that the others couldn’t. We were determined to stay on top of any issue that would come up, and for a long time we did. She had some pain pretty regularly from the time she was in 2nd grade. We were able to manage it pretty well though. The pain didn’t really slow her down until she was in about 5th grade. That’s when she started using a wheel chair if we were going someplace that required a lot of walking. Then she began to need it at school to get to the cafeteria or church. Each year she needed a little more.

Madison hated being left behind. She hated feeling like she couldn’t keep up. When she was 8 Santa brought her very first bike. It was an adult 3-wheeled bicycle. Her cardiologist said absolutely no to a 2-wheeled bike but he said, “OK” to the 3-wheeled. The excitement on her face was all I needed that Christmas. She told my mom, “Granny I feel free ‘cause I can go fast!” For the first time she was able to keep up with the other kids. She used to let her little sister Dallas ride in the basket. When they got a bit older Dallas used to give Madison rides. Even though she loved it, as her pain grew she rode her bike less and less. She developed other interests, like jewelry making and knitting (with a knitting machine), and reading. These didn’t require as much energy. But she did love that bike.

Tiny Things

From the time Madison was a baby she had a fascination with tiny objects. The first time we let her choose a toy from a toy store she was about 3 yrs old and picked up a little plastic pride rock from the movie, “Lion King.” I’ll never forget how adamant she was, that’s the only thing she wanted. It was all of $2.99 on sale, which made me happy. Pride rock is about 3 inches tall and opens up, inside were 3 tiny figurines about 1 inch tall of Mufasa, Simba & Nala. Madison played with this toy sometimes for hours in a day, and she had it for years. She would carry it with her where ever she went. She would take out the little characters & talk to them & make them have conversations. When she ate they ate, when she slept so would they. We may still have it in a box in the garage. I plan on consolidating all the stuffed animals & toys; yes I said toys, she couldn’t part with them when we moved to TN. I couldn’t possibly part with them now.

I can’t part with any of her favorite things, even if I wanted her to get rid of some stuff before the move. It’s been hard enough to cope with parting from her. Most everything in her room is just how she had it the day she left. She liked to rotate her stuffed animals. She has so many that they don’t all have a place to sit when out. We had just rotated them 2 days before. There is a box in her closet filled with her favorite stuffed animals. She has 3 of her very favorites with her, an owl, a kitty and a dog. God how I miss my sweet girl!

Introduction

April 16, 2010

Madison Blaire Boudreaux was one of the most amazing people I have ever known. I am so blessed to say that I am her mom. She came into our lives April 10, 1993 and left us October 9, 2009. Our lives will never be the same. She made an impression on everyone who took the time to get to know her.

This blog is dedicated to Madison's memory, her family, friends and everyone who loved her. As long as we remember how sweet, silly, feisty, loving, generous, kind and accepting she was part of her will always be with us.

Some of the stories I tell will be familiar, some will not. I hope you will better understand Madison and why she was so awesome, and realize that she has friends that are just as awesome.

Till next time,

Yvette