The Gift

Every child is a gift from God, a gift that must gradually be released. The process is all at once painful and wonderful, messy and beautiful, exciting and scary. But when that process is cut short, and a child dies, taken never to be seen or heard again it creates a hole so deep that some days you just want to crawl into that hole and stay. The future with that child is gone forever. Your hopes & dreams for that child will never be realized.

For us there will be no graduation, no first car, and no true love. There will be no wedding or grandchildren from this child. These thoughts are morose to be sure but at times these are the things that go through the mind of a parent who has lost a child.

I treasure my 3 gifts from God. I remember the silliness, the laughter, the talks and the love we shared with Madison. When I close my eyes I can still feel her hugs and hear her say, “I love you mommy.”

She would have been 18 years old today. I thank God for the 16 ½ years we had together. She used to say, “I wish I were 3 again, when things were easier.” I wonder when we meet again will I find my 16-year-old young lady or my 3-year-old little girl. Madison is truly missed; I don’t think she ever realized how much she would be or how many would miss her. My sweet angel, I love you forever.

Madison & Derric

I have talked about the relationship between Madison and her sister Dallas, now I’ll tell you about Derric her big brother. After Madison was born Derric was very curious about her. I caught him one day placing her back into the basinet after picking her up without permission. He was only 3 years old, the first thing he said was, “She started to cry so I picked her up for you.” Madison adored him. One day when she was learning to walk, while Derric was engrossed in a video game, she pulled herself up holding onto him. When she was upright she grabbed his hair with both hands and held tight, I think to keep her balance. He began to scream with tears in his eyes and Madison began to scream with a huge smile on her face. He wasn’t too fond of her that day.

As they got older they did less things together unless it was with the family. But gradually when Madison and Derric hit their teens they realized they had more in common then either of them thought. It was funny to see them watching the same show in different room and then running back and forth to each other saying, “did you see that,” or “I can’t believe that happened.” These common interests brought them closer.

One night while we were all at a pretty nice restaurant in Hammond LA, Madison and Derric began quoting lines from the movie, Talladega Nights. It was hilarious; thank goodness there weren’t many people in the restaurant that particular night. Weeks later Derric said to me, he realized on that night that Madison had become one of his best friends. When Madison started high school they had some of the same friend, which I think brought them even closer.

Derric has been and is very protective of his little sisters, and always helps them whenever needed. During the summer of 2005 before hurricane Katrina hit we took a road trip to little towns in Louisiana and Mississippi that we had never been to before. I don’t remember where we were, when we saw some Indian mounds. We all climbed to the top of the biggest mound, luckily there were stairs. There was a big open field and across it a smaller mound. The kids wanted to run through the tall grass to the top of that mound. Well Madison couldn’t, she walked as far as she could then Derric picked her up and carried her so that she could do it too. He's an awesome big brother.

I think Madison and Derric had a very special relationship, as did she and Dallas. I know they miss her terribly. I miss her terribly.