Honor

 

I’ve been filled with conflict on what to write today about Madison, her life her death, our lives before and after.  I have started and deleted several different stories over the last few weeks.  I talked to Dallas the other day and while thinking about that conversation figured it out.  Dallas said she wanted to honor her sister on the anniversary of her death but didn’t know what to do.  I told her to just live her life.  Dallas likes to write Madison did too, so I told her to spend some time writing, watch Gilmore Girls and eat some chocolate covered popcorn.  I said she should do something that she and Madison liked to do together, but most of all just live her life.  I remember Madison apologizing to me a time or two for being a burden.  She was NEVER a burden.  Madison felt like she held us back from doing different things, that wasn’t the case.  So, for Dallas and all of those who cared for Madison to be able to live their lives the way they want is the best way to honor her.

Madison was so full of love for her family and friends, she wanted us to be happy.  She wanted to be healthy and able to do so many things that she couldn’t.  That’s why I always focused on finding happiness in the little things in life and tried to impart that to my children.  I am so grateful for those little things because they make my memories richer.  I knew that if I could teach my children to appreciate the little things they would have more meaningful lives.  I wanted Madison so know that even though she couldn't physically keep up with her peers she could still have fun.  I wanted her to know that her physical limitations had no impact on her intellect and imagination.  But I didn't just want Madison to know this I wanted all of my children to know it too.  I wanted my children to know that they didn’t have to have expensive things to be happy.  I wanted them to be happy finding animal shapes in the clouds or sharing a movie and popcorn with friends.  I wanted them to be happy playing outside in a pile of raked up leaves or creating their own games out of an empty box or losing themselves or maybe finding themselves in a book.

The best way to honor Madison is to live our lives the way we want, because that’s what she wanted to do.  I thank God every day for the little things.

“It has always been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.”  Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Dear Madison 27

A letter to Madison

My Dear Madison,

First of all happy birthday!  Happy heavenly birthday.  It's hard to believe that you would have been twenty seven years old today.  It's even harder to believe that you've been gone for ten and half years.  The dogwoods are blooming just in time for your birthday, I think that would make you happy.  You might say it's nature's gift to you.  The weather has also been very nice, cool mornings and warm (not hot) days.

I miss you so much Madison.  I'm trying not to dwell on your absence when I think of you but it is very hard.  You made such a big impression, I miss your humor, your laughter and your hugs. I am so grateful that you were mine even if for a brief time.  There is so much more I could write but I won't, you know my heart.

I love you,
Mama
xoxo