“Hope is a good thing,” a quote from The Shawshank Redemption by Stephen King, and my motto for life, at least one of them. After my last post I started thinking about that motto and this blog. I said in a past post that this blog is my way to let everyone who reads it get to know Madison, it's my memory, my venting and my journal too. But I realized that I don’t just write it for selfish reasons. I also want to give hope to others going through similar emotions after the loss of a child or loved one.
I hope people will come to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it’s just a pin prick of light. Those incredibly dark days at the beginning of our grief journey do lighten, it may take a long time but eventually it happens. There is no time table on grief. The weight of the ache and pain does lessen, even if it never goes away. I believe our/my responsibility to Madison is to learn to live a good and productive life while not forgetting her.
She inspired me in so many ways that it would be a disservice to her memory not to live in a way she would be proud. She inspired me to recycle so I do. She inspired me to be more accepting of people who are different, so I am and I try. I admit that this has been an evolving thing in my life. I try to remember that everyone has something they are struggling with everyday. This helps me not to judge too harshly or to change my mind when I do. She taught me that pain is relative. When I have a back ache or some other thing that may be uncomfortable I remember that my child lived in real physical pain every single day of her life especially for the last few years. She taught me that people who are in wheelchairs don’t like to be stared at. She used to say, “mom, why can’t they just say hello instead of staring at me?.” I work with children because Madison loved little kids. She said they never judged her or looked at her funny, they just wanted to play. That's why I now work with young kids, they are the embodiment of unconditional love.
So for those of you who read my blog, whether friend or stranger, I hope this helps you in some small way. I hope that it helps put your own life in perspective. I hope if you have lost a child or loved one you will know that there is hope for your future. Even without the loved one who is lost, you don’t have to remain lost yourself. The challenge is not to fill the hole in your heart and life, because I believe that is impossible, the challenge is to learn to live with it there. I have learned that difficult thing and there are times when the wound feels quite fresh. But as time goes by I recover from those moments more quickly.
I cling to my hope and the love I have for Madison and the rest of my family. I believe we get strength from from one another and watching and encouraging each other's steps forward. I think we also get strength from Madison’s memory. We have hope and it is a good thing!
