"Treasure"

"Treasure"
Madison called Danny her "Treasure"

Monday, August 30, 2010

Memorial




At Madison’s memorial, some of her friends got up to talk about their experiences. Some of their stories were funny, some were sad and some were a little crazy. All of the stories were told with love. She knew Sean the longest of all her friends, since they were 5 years old, they were like brother and sister. Madison and Sean shared the bond of being physically disabled. They understood the reality of physical pain, the fear of surgery and the emotional pain of not being able to do what other kids can. But as they got older Madison and Sean made great friends who did all they could to include them, and in Sean’s case they still do. The love that Madison’s friends feel for her is such a comfort. To know that people who loved her almost always surrounded her is a wonderful thing.
Sean told a funny story about Madison bopping him on the head when he would say certain things. I think he would say crazy stuff just to aggravate her, knowing she would give him a, “love tap,” that’s what he called it. After the memorial a former friend of mine came up to me and said, “Madison was a hitter, I didn’t know she was a hitter.” Of all the wonderful stories of love and kindness and acceptance, this woman latched on to that. I was stunned that she would say this to me, and in the tone that she did. It was that moment I wished I had Madison’s amazing ability to have the perfect comeback. Of coarse I didn’t quite know what to say, so I let it slide, but obviously it has bothered me ever since.
What would I say to this former friend now? “How dare you make assumptions about my daughter? You didn’t even know her.” I know, still not the perfect comeback, but I have decided her judgments don’t matter. We who were blessed to have known Madison, know that she was more than just a girl who gave one of her very best friends’ “love taps.” As her friends put on a special picture board, Madison was, “a totally awesome friend.”

Monday, August 23, 2010

Mardi Gras Ball



When Madison was in kindergarten she went to Oaks Montessori School. Every year they had a Mardi Gras ball and chose a king, queen and court. That year Madison was chosen as Queen of the Mardi Gras ball. Derric was in 3rd grade and chosen to be a duke. She was very excited, we all were. My mom made her a beautiful dress of red satin and white tulle. She put shinny red hearts in the tulle and made her a wreath of red hearts to wear on her head. She looked very pretty in her dress. When she walked out onto the middle of the floor with the king she was smiling so big yet seemed a little shy about it all. After the court was introduced the king and queen danced for about 30 seconds then Madison danced with her daddy. That was her first official father daughter dance, her only. She danced with her daddy and papaw at weddings but that was her only real father daughter dance and I didn’t realize it until I typed it just now. She was only 5 years old. I still have the dress. I miss you baby.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Free Will



The summer that Madison was 7 years old, one night while taking a bath she didn’t want to wash her hair. With one last attempt to get her way she shouted, “we have free will here!” After we both stopped laughing I washed her hair. She was definitely paying attention during religion class…in the first grade.
Madison was a person who was just naturally funny. She had such a quick wit. I wish I had written down all the incredible things that came out of my girl’s mouth. She made me laugh absolutely every day. One of my favorite things is listening to my kids laugh. I miss hearing Madison’s laugh. But it makes me so happy when I hear Derric and Dallas laughing. I’ll never forget how she called Derric, “boy,” until she could say his name; or how she used to smile and pet Dallas as she lay in her basinet. I love my kids so much.
I’m so glad I told Madison everyday, “I love you.” I’ve always told my kids’ everyday that I love them. I want them to know even when we don’t agree I love them. Madison used to tell me in a singsong way, “I love ya mommy, you’re the best mommy in the world.” After she died I didn’t feel like the, “best mommy in the world.” I felt like a failure.
I know that Madison forgives me for my mistakes as a mom, her heart may not have been strong but it was so full of love and forgiveness. As the 11 month anniversary draws near I don’t constantly run the, what if game in my head any more. But it creeps in every now and then. My amazing daughter, I imagine is now watching over her amazing brother and sister, Derric and Dallas. Everyday I wonder what would Madison say?