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Time,
it is an interesting concept. According to my computer’s
dictionary it is in part, “the indefinite continued progress of
existence.”
In
some situations that “continued progress” seems to move very
quickly, in others very slowly. The saying, "time flies
when you're having fun," often feels true. There never
seems to be enough time to do the things we love to do. We all
know however that time neither speeds up nor slows down; it is just
always the same. Derric once asked Mark, “Dad, is your minute
as long as moms?” I guess that’s where the relativity thing
comes in.
An
hour can feel like forever when sitting in a boring class.
Three months seem to fly during summer break. Two years is a short
time to be married. Four years is a short time to be on this
earth. Four years of high school and if you’re lucky only
four years of college. Four years per term in office for most
politicians, depending on the person this could feel too short or way
too long. And every four years we get an extra day.
To
me four years of time gone by feels so incredibly long. That's
how long we've been without our girl Madison. She departed this
world for her next "great adventure" four years ago
tonight. Four years ago my family was whole and intact.
Until that night I thought I knew generally, what my future held.
The last four years have been a roller coaster with more downs than
ups. I am thankful for the ups and am glad to say that the
downs don't last as long as they used to. They aren't as
frequent either.
I
don't hide from my down days; I don't feel guilty for having them
either. They feel necessary, and sometimes comforting.
That may sound odd, but I'm OK with odd. Sometimes my down
times are really just a moment of the day, or maybe an hour,
sometimes the whole day or more, but thankfully rarely more.
The
saying, "time heals all wounds," to me is a lie. As
time passes, whether slowly or quickly, things will change.
Yes, some things may heal, a scraped knee, hurt feelings or a broken
friendship. Healing from the death of a child in my
opinion is impossible. Sure I'm doing better four long years
later; the whole family is. It's those down times that
I still have where the pain can be so raw, they make me know I will
never be fully healed. I cope with it, and according to several
people I'm dealing with it, "well;" what ever that means.
For
my time left here, and yes, it sometimes feels like forever, but more
often it flies. I've got things left to do before I see my
Madison again. I hope to see my Derric and my Dallas realize their
dreams. Madison is an angel and until I can hold her again I
will try to be a better person while here on this earth. The
point is, I am trying, but unfortunately I don't always succeed.
But that's what time is for, right?
