Bell Ringer 2007

August 2007 Bell ringers

I hope to accomplish top marks in all my classes.

In ten years I see myself in college.

I admire my mom because she deals with me.

I hope to learn stuff I don’t know.

I don’t know what I’m doing for the weekend.

I value my family and friends.

My values are my family and friends.

I don’t know what kind of job I will get in high school.

My favorite thing about high school so far is lunch of coarse!

Unfortunately death is something you need to do alone.

This was obviously an assignment Madison had early in her freshman year of high school. I know she hoped to make good grades, but was often too tired by the end of the day to give her studies the full attention they needed. It seems especially math; still in college in 10 years?

Madison told me one day that she only said she planned on going to college so that the counselors at school would leave her alone. She was not sure she wanted to go to college and toward the end of sophomore year she really didn’t see it happening. I encouraged her too take classes that would help her if she ever changed her mind. I didn’t care if she went to college. I just wanted her to be happy and I know she wanted to feel useful. She often asked me, “Mama what do you think I’ll be able to do when I get older to earn money?” It was on her mind that she wanted to be able to take care of herself. She would even sometimes apologize for being a burden. I always assured her she was never a burden. I told her that, “I take care of you and Derric and Dallas because I love you all…that’s what parents do.” I would tease her and say that one day she would have to take care of me. Well I know at least that I have one more angel in heaven praying for me.

She wrote me a thank you letter one day at school saying thank you for dealing with me. That just sounded so negative, I never had to “deal” with her. I would “deal” with things or situations or sometimes people I didn’t like, but never my kids. Yes I had to “deal” with the sometimes frequent fighting between Madison and Dallas or their messy rooms. But that isn’t the same as “dealing” with them. She was skeptical when we talked about it, but I think she got it.

Yes, Madison loved learning new things…as long as it could be learned via the television. She often said, “Why can’t they put school in the form of a movie?” She had an incredible memory when it came to things she watched, like television shows or movies. Even when they would watch documentaries in class she could remember everything. She didn’t need to take many notes if a teacher’s lecture was interesting she’d remember it all. For a long time that’s how she learned because she struggled with reading when she was very young. I would read the books and handouts to her and she’d remember them

Madison’s friends were like a second family to her. If someone took the time to get to know her then he or she were her friend, they couldn’t help it. She learned the value of real friends very young, 3^rd grade to be exact. That’s when the little girls in her class began to notice that Madison was different. Madison didn’t just look different she acted different too. She had such a wicked sense of humor even at a very young age. Sometimes things would come out of her mouth and I had to remind myself that she was only a little girl. She knew how to use the English language well. There were times when she would use a new word, then ask if she had used it right. The boys didn’t care that she was different. With them she could be as goofy and sarcastic as she wanted. Until high school, Madison always had more guy friends then girl friends.

Madison knew she couldn’t get a job while in high school. Homework was job enough for her to handle. She also had a dog to take care of.

I’ve said before that Madison had a healthy appetite. So there is no doubt that lunch would be her favorite time of the school day. That’s when she held court with her friends in the cafeteria. It’s a wonder they had time to eat with all the talking that went on.

I wonder what prompted Madison to write the last line of the bell ringer. I can easily assume what the questions were for all of the other lines but this one. It puzzles me. In some of her poems she seems to know that she won’t be here very long. At first I thought it was because she, unlike most young people had to face the possibility of death at a very young age due to her many surgeries. Or maybe because she had had several loved ones die between 2002 – 2007. What ever made her write this, there is no denying that it is true. She was a very intuitive person. Due to her being sick a lot she often had more time than most to think and examine life. She may have been alone in her death but I think not for long. I know there were many people who love her waiting in that bright light to lead her on her way. I know she’ll be waiting there for me when my time comes.