Life and Death Lessons

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.”  C.S. Lewis

After reading the quote above my first thought was, “how dense am I that my child had to die for me to be taught a lesson?”  For a long time, even before I read the quote I’ve heard that God can bring good out of the bad things that happen.  I guess that is the silver lining concept.  Seriously though what good can come out of the death of a child?  I don’t think I am the only parent wondering this question.  So I reflect on my life and the lives of my family members before we lost Madison.

Her life taught us so much, like acceptance of those who are different.  I feel we became more sensitive to people who are disabled and their desire to be treated like everyone else.  And just in general to treat everyone with a little kindness.  She helped us learn to be more patient.  We realized that just because someone smiles doesn’t mean they are okay.  Her life and the lives of each of my children taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.  These are just a few of the things her life has taught me.  So now I ponder what have I learned from her death.

I learned that grief and sorrow are not just a psychological feeling but gut wrenching physical feelings too.  I learned that grief is physically exhausting.  I learned that most of the world doesn’t care about the loss of one child.  I learned who my real friends are.  I learned that some people equate the loss of their pet with the loss of my child.  I learned that some people say really stupid things when they don’t know what to say.  This made me wonder about what stupid thing have I said in difficult situations.  I learned that not every prayer we pray gets us the answer we want.

A couple of years after we lost Madison I started learning some new things.  I learned that I can be really angry at God but He still loves me.  I learned that Madison had more friends than I knew.  I learned that she shared a gift with her Pawpaw Francis and could make all of her friends feel special just like he made all of his grandchildren feel special.  I learned that my faith didn’t die with her but went into hibernation for just a little while.  I learned that God loves us even when he says no, just like our parents when we are young.  I learned that I didn’t cause her passing because I prayed the wrong prayer or the wrong way.  Her passing wasn’t a punishment.

If the quote above is true, I feel like I still have many things to learn from the loss of my beloved child.  Her life was a most amazing gift and to have her taken away so suddenly for a while did feel like a punishment.  I know better now and this is one reason why I write about Madison.  I want to celebrate her life through writing so that everyone who reads it will get a glimpse of how wonderful she was.  My nephew Murray wanted to follow her around with a camera just to catch the things she would say.  She was so clever and funny he didn’t want to miss anything.  I wish we had taken more video of her.

Today would have been Madison’s 24th birthday.  On this day I’ll remember the lessons learned from her life and her death. But most of all I will think about how much she loved her family, her friends, her dogs, and her birthday.  I know she’s celebrating in heaven!