Her Happy Relief

I was recently watching The Lord of the Rings Return of the King; I love these movies.  As I watched the scene when Frodo gets onto the ship I had a rush of emotion.  I know that this represents the death of all who get on this ship and I have always known it since I read the book.  But what struck me is that when Frodo looks back and smiles he seems relieved.  Maybe I am reading something into it that wasn’t there, and it has been a very long time since I read the book.  But we are led to believe that he was living with a great amount of pain, both from an injury sustained years earlier and emotional pain.  The wound never fully healed.  It was that look of happy relief that made me think of Madison.

One of my sisters told me after we lost Madison that when she left her body, she probably felt no pain for the first time since she was a little girl.  Madison’s first thought was probably I’m not going back this feels too good.  Indeed, I wouldn’t ask her to give up bliss.  But bliss is not what we feel or felt when she left us.

It has been 10 years; I can hardly believe it.  I still think about Madison daily, but I’m happy to say I no longer cry daily.  The pain and sadness of her absence is still there it’s just different.  There are still days when it is intense, I hide it well.  Those who know me will have to let me know if I really do hide it well.  I still talk about her because she is still a part of my life in thoughts and memories.  And when I talk about Madison, I’m not looking for a pity party I just want people to know how amazing she was.  That’s why I talk about how great all my kids are.  She’s one of my kids so I’ll keep talking.

And by the way, Madison liked Lord of the Rings too.  We both thought Legolas was so pretty on that screen.  So like Frodo she may have been relieved to let go of the pain of life, but we certainly were not.